We constantly communicate with each other – even nonverbally. In fact 60 – 80% of our communication is non-verbal. Only 7-10% is attributable to the actual words of a conversation. Your mood, emotion, energy levels and attitude can be detected through your body language because we show others how we feel. Sometimes we say one thing but display quite another through our body language. Our words say “I am not angry with you” but our body language screams “stay away from me!” It is very confusing when dealing with someone like this and it is obvious that they are not telling the truth about how they’re really feeling.

When we want to connect with someone we are attracted to, our body language ‘speaks’ our intention. Flirting is mostly non-verbal and it’s a way of letting the other party know that we are interested without actually having to say “Hi, I’m interested in you. How do you feel about me?” If the other party is interested they will flirt back. It’s not something we think about or plan. We simply start ‘acting’ out our feelings and emotions – sometimes words are simply unnecessary.

We use body language to show how we really feel about something or someone – especially when we’re angry or upset. People who’d rather avoid conflict would resort to showing how they feel instead of verbalising their fears, concerns or opinions. It is mostly done unconsciously, but sometimes it’s done very deliberately. “I can’t tell you how I feel, but my body language and behaviour will show you.”

Intuition

We have all experienced unexplained knowing feelings about a situation. Let’s take a job interview. You may have left saying “I think she likes me” with no proof that she actually did like you. This type of feeling is called intuition. When you observe someone else’s behaviour and body language you intuitively know how they feel. It is subconscious and unconscious observation.

Interpreting Nonverbal Messages

Nonverbal messages have to be interpreted taking all communication into consideration. A single nonverbal message is difficult to interpret accurately because most messages can be interpreted in several ways. For example: Crossed arms may be an indication of an unwillingness to participate or it may just be comfortable for the person to sit like that, or both.

A nonverbal message can only be accurately interpreted if other communications confirm. For example, you may interpret that the person is unwilling to participate if his arms are folded and his answers are too short – only “yes” or “no.”

You cannot accurately interpret inconsistent nonverbal messages. You should look for verbal or other nonverbal messages to confirm an obviously negative nonverbal message. Look for messages that correspond with each other so that you can make a more accurate interpretation.

Cultural differences should always be kept in mind when you analyse or send nonverbal messages. Different societies have different meanings for particular nonverbal messages. Avoiding eye contact may be a cultural expectation, but it is also an indication of dishonesty, disinterest or disrespect to someone you are doing business with.

Common indicators of negative attitude:

Insecurity

Biting fingernails or chewing on a pencil.
Hand wringing or rubbing.
Frequent coughing.
Fidgeting.
Hands deep in pockets.

Frustration

Tightening of the jaw.
Rubbing or scratching the back of neck or head.
Frowning.
Looking away.

Dishonesty

Lack of eye-contact.
Sideways glances.
Covering mouth with hand while speaking.
Frequent blinking of the eyes or frequent coughing.

Defensiveness

Pointing a finger. (at someone)
Arms crossed high on chest.
Crossed legs.

Boredom or indifference

Slouching.
Yawning.
Preoccupation with something else.
Looking away.
Head in hand(s).

You can train yourself not to always show how you feel about someone or a situation by deliberately using positive body language:

	Maintain good eye contact with your conversation partner. This will show that you are paying close attention and that you respect their opinion. Soften your eyes deliberately.
	Always maintain good body posture. Slouching indicates laziness, disinterest, disrespect and a no-care attitude.
	The way you hold your head plays a major role in how others perceive you. Keep your head both horizontally and vertically level. You will come across more confident and motivated and it’s good for your image.
	The position of your arms will indicate how open and receptive you are to people, their ideas, views and opinions. Keep your arms on your sides. Don’t fold your arms, unless you mean to show your disapproval.
	Our legs are also a dead giveaway. If you don’t want to create a perception of nervousness, stress or deception, stop moving around.
	The angle of your body in relation to someone else’s indicates your attitude and feelings toward them. We turn toward people we like or find attractive but turn away from people we don’t like or approve of.
	Shaking hands: When someone offers a hand with the palm down it is an indication of dominance or aggression. Always shake hands vertically and upright to convey a message of amiability and friendliness.
	Never invade someone’s personal space. Always keep a safe distance in case they feel offended or threatened.
	Be careful not to give off the wrong signals when pursing or biting your lips. You may come across as displeased or it may seem like you are trying to withhold an angry outburst.
	The most important body language tip – smile! A smile can get you out of a tight spot and it can turn a bad situation around for you.

Elsabe Manning

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