People are often afraid to ask for what they want, in fear of rejection. You may sometimes feel that it is wrong to ask or that you’re asking for too much or that you don’t deserve it! The truth is that you deserve a lot more than you are willing to believe – it is your birthright to live a happy and fulfilled life.

How to ask:

	Remember you have the right to ask for anything you need or want. Just do it the right way.
	Be prepared to hear a "yes" or a "no” but remember that a "no" isn’t wrong. Your request may be viewed as a demand if you cannot accept “no” for an answer.
	Give reasons for what you want – it may have an impact on the answer to your request.
	Always have a plan “B” in place – just in case you don’t get what you want.
	Let the other person know what the impact of a “no” would be.
	Respect the other person’s decision.
	Do not “nag” someone into submission.
	Thank the other person and show your appreciation.
	Don’t get angry or resent having to ask for something – even if you feel that they should have known your needs. The truth is that we don’t automatically know someone else’s needs.

We also tend to complain a lot about things that are not done, or to criticise others for their actions or behaviour. Instead of complaining or criticising others, ask for what you want by using specific, action-oriented, positive language rather than generalisations. You will get more cooperation from others this way.

Turn your every day complaints, like:

“You always slam the door!” into a specific action-oriented request.

Example: “Please close the door softly, so that granny can sleep.”

You will have more cooperation from others when you ask for what you want and add a reason (“so that…”) to explain.

Asking for what you want is self-empowering. You will no longer give your power away by expecting others to instinctively know what you need in order to be happy and fulfilled. Start asking for what you want and what you need from others.

By Elsabé Manning

Elsabé runs accredited Professionalism in the Workplace workshops and Effective Communication in the Workplace - SETQAA decision number 2075. For further information please contact her on elsabe@successfactory.co.za or 011 648 8969 or 084 371 9105

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