Gossip can be defined as, idle, malicious, slanderous
or destructive talking or writing about another person
or situation with the intention to hurt them, regardless
of fact. Gossip can be true or false, but it is still
gossip. It is by far the most common social weapon.
Organisations should care about gossip because, gossip
decreases productivity and creativity; it distracts people
from their work; it divides teams; it compromises customer
service; and it causes pain and resentment for the victims.
Gossip consumes much more time at work than previously
believed.
Every family and every office has a number of ‘busy-bodies’
who derive great enjoyment from passing on information
about others. It even happens among friends. Paying attention
to gossip mongers encourage their behaviour and it empowers
them. To make matters worse, the gossiper hardly ever
leaves empty handed since we usually pass on our own bits
of information to them.
We can think of many reasons and excuses for passing
on information about others. We may even feel justified
in doing so. The fact is that gossiping is a hurtful activity.
How to detect a gossiper
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A
gossiper has low self-esteem, and by gossiping about
others, their feeling of being powerless decreases. |
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Gossips want to
gain favour and power for themselves by sharing
gossip with others. |
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Gossipers gain feelings of power by
isolating their victim. |
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Gossipers lack
the ability to trust. It is possible for a gossiper
to trust, but only over a long period of time. |
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A gossiper will
play one person against another. This is usually
done by creating friendship triangles. |
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A gossiper will
divide and conquer groups that already have established,
trusting relationships. |
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Feelings of chronic
rage, bitterness, anger and resentment will always
be evident in a gossiper. |
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A chronic gossiper needs constant affirmation. |
Why do we gossip?
Pride.
Bitterness, hostility, anger, resentment.
Low self-esteem; desire to pull others around them down
to their level.
Purposeful attempt to destroy someone, motivated by jealousy.
Influence of peers; need for acceptance.
Some people view gossip as a ‘friendship builder.’
What does gossip do to
the victim?
Gossip causes pain and embarrassment.
It damages the victim’s character and reputation.
It is destructive and causes division.
Trust is broken.
The victim’s job/future/emotional wellbeing may
be at stake.
Relationships are damaged.
What really motivates us
to gossip?
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It
elevates us subconsciously. We feel ‘powerful’
when we ‘prove’ that we know things
about others or when the listener seems shocked
or interested in what we have to say. The impact
we make, makes us feel powerful and it subconsciously
elevates us. |
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When we carry
personal pain from an event or situation from our
past, it’s easy to turn on others or to lash
out in anger. We sometimes want others to hurt as
much as we hurt. The problem is that we simply add
to our burden when we behave so badly. Sometimes
all it takes is to forgive people from our past
in order to move forward and building lasting relationships. |
What organisations can
do about gossipers:
Communicate the organisation’s focus and direction
to all staff.
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Lead
by example. Create a healthy corporate culture by
displaying the behaviours you expect from your employees. |
Make it clear that gossip will not be tolerated.
Document the number of times employees gossip. Show them
how often they do it.
Motivate and help your employees to feel successful.
Help the perpetrators to consider their victim's position.
Teach the perpetrators how to manage their emotions and
thoughts.
Be aware that if chronic gossipers may have serious personal
problems.
Help the perpetrator to see that change is not a threat
to them.
Make everyone aware of their responsibility for spreading
rumours and hurting others.
Bring gossipers into the team and keep them there.
Find a positive function for the perpetrator that is important
for group effectiveness.
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Management
must uncover all the facts that led to the gossip
and collect information by focusing on the important
aspects of the situation. |
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It
is also important to remain objective in order to
successfully manage conflict and sort out misunderstandings. |
Gossipers are high maintenance employees and management
will have to enforce the rules about gossip, teamwork
and relationship building. If the cost of the employee’s
behaviour outweighs the value that the person brings to
the organisation, then it may not be worth keeping the
employee in the organisation.
By Elsabé Manning
Elsabé runs accredited Professionalism
in the Workplace workshops and Effective Communication
in the Workplace workshops - SETQAA decision number 2075.
For further information please contact her on elsabe@successfactory.co.za
or 011 648 8969 or 084 371 9105
