Most people spend about 70% of their waking hours in
some form of verbal communication. Yet, how many of us
have ever had any formal training in the art of listening?
Real listening is an active process that has three basic
steps.
1.
Hearing Hearing just means listening enough
to catch what the speaker is saying. For example,
say you were listening to a report on fingerprints,
and the speaker mentioned that no two people’s
fingerprints are alike. If you can repeat the fact,
then you have heard what has been said.
2.
Understanding The next part of listening happens
when you understand what you have heard. Let's use
the scenario of the fingerprints again. When you
hear that no two people’s fingerprints are
alike, think about what that might mean. You might
think, "Maybe this means that the pattern of
stripes is different on every person’s fingers."
3.
Judging After you are sure that you understand
what the speaker has said, think about whether it
makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard?
You might think, "How could the patterns of
stripes be different on every person’s fingers?
But then again, every zebra’s stripes are
different too. I think this seems believable."
Here are some tips on becoming
a good listener:
1.
Listen
with unconditional acceptance. That means listening
without an agenda or preconceived ideas about the
outcome. It simply means that you suspend judgment.
The state of unconditional acceptance frees your
mind to really listen for other clues and for “in-between”
messages.
2.
Listening involves
more than simply hearing the words, it also requires
active involvement that includes understanding,
acknowledging, and responding.
3.
Don’t assume
that the subject is boring or uninteresting before
you’ve heard what the other person has to
say.
4.
Don’t get
turned off when someone is nervous, stutters or
has an irritating voice. The key to good listening
is to listen to the message.
5.
Tune out distractions
and focus on the speaker and the message. Maintain
eye contact with the speaker. Lean forward in your
chair. Let the speaker’s words “sink
in” by immediately trying to understand their
point of view. If necessary, turn in your chair,
to block out unwanted distractions.
6.
Structured listening
may “clutter” your mind. Asking your
self questions like: “What is the speaker's
main point? What is he really saying? Or trying
to decide on the speaker’s purpose, evidence
or intent, will result in mental argument and analysis,
which will “clutter” your mind.
7.
First listen and
acknowledge what you hear - even if you don’t
agree with it, before expressing your experience
or point of view. Allow the speaker to finish what
he wants to say.
8.
Listen and give
a brief restatement of what you have heard (especially
feelings), before you express your own needs or
position.
9.
Acknowledging
another person’s thoughts and feelings does
not have to mean that you approve of or agree with
that person’s actions or way of experiencing,
or that you will do whatever someone asks.
10.
Active listening
means you are listening for content, meaning, and
feelings. To make sure you understand what the person
has said (especially when you think you disagree
with the statement) paraphrase what you heard.
11.
When we strongly
disagree with something we hear, we begin to argue
mentally and we come up with a rebuttal. That is
because we resist new information that conflicts
with what we believe. Resist the temptation to interrupt
the speaker to rebut.
12.
Don’t get
side-tracked by taking too many notes. Use keywords
to make important notes and fill in the missing
words later.
Listening
Blocks
Kenneth Johnson said that one of the best ways to begin
to improve your listening skills is to have a better understanding
of some of the most common behaviours you and others demonstrate
when not listening effectively. He said that the following
listening blocks should not always be considered bad.
In certain situations, they can be effective at helping
an individual achieve a particular result. The key to
its effectiveness is to be aware of when and why you are
using them.
1.
Rehearsing Your whole attention is on designing
and preparing your next comment. You look interested,
but your mind is going a mile a minute because you
are thinking about what to say next. Some people
rehearse whole chains of responses: I'll say then
he'll say, and so on.
2.
Judging Negatively labelling people can
be extremely limiting. If you prejudge somebody
as incompetent or uninformed, you don't pay much
attention to what that person says. A basic rule
of listening is that judgments should only be made
after you have heard and evaluated the content of
the message.
3.
Identifying When using this block, you take
everything people tell you and refer it back to
your own experience. They want to tell you about
a toothache, but that reminds you of your oral surgery
for receding gums. You launch into your story before
they can finish theirs.
4.
Advising You are the great problem solver.
You don't have to hear more than a few sentences
before you begin searching for the right advice.
However, while you are coming up with suggestions
and convincing someone to just try it you may miss
what is most important.
5.
Sparring This block has you arguing and debating
with people who never feel heard because you are
so quick to disagree. In fact, your main focus is
on finding things to disagree with.
6.
Being
Right Being right means you will go to
great lengths (twist the facts, start shouting,
make excuses or accusations, call up past sins)
to avoid being wrong. You can't listen to criticism,
you can't be corrected, and you can't take suggestions
to change.
7.
Derailing
This listening block involves suddenly changing
the subject. You derail the train of conversation
when you get uncomfortable or bored with a topic.
Another way of derailing is by joking.
8.
Placating Right . . . Absolutely . . . I know
. . . Of course you are . . . Incredible . . . Really?
You want to be nice, pleasant and supportive. You
want people to like you. So you agree with everything.
You may half-listen just enough to get the drift,
but you are not really involved.
9.
Dreaming
When we dream, we pretend to listen but really tune
the other person out while we drift about in our
inner fantasies. Instead of disciplining ourselves
to truly concentrate on the input we turn the channel
to a more entertaining subject.
Services
Seta
Accreditation
SETQAA
Decision Number 2075
COMENSA
Membership
Number
J00147_MEMT_SF
Awards
The
Greenpepper Enterprise Award is awarded to South African companies
that excelled in their industries, created economic growth or new
job opportunities for the people of South Africa.
