It is not events or circumstances in our lives that lead to unhappiness and associated unhealthy emotional consequences, but rather our reaction to these events or circumstances. It is our irrational beliefs about and reactions to these events and circumstances that lead to unhealthy consequences. Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) was developed by Dr.Albert Ellis in 1955 to help people deal with and overcome their emotional issues. REBT is based on a few simple principles having profound implications:

You are responsible for your own emotions and actions.

Your harmful emotions and dysfunctional behaviours are the product of your irrational thinking.

You can learn to have more realistic views.

You'll experience a deeper acceptance of yourself and greater satisfactions in life by developing a reality-based perspective (to see something for what it really is)

This way of thinking will help you to distinguish clearly between practical problems and emotional problems. Our flawed behaviour, unfair treatment by others, and undesirable situations, represent practical problems. Our human tendency is to upset ourselves about these practical problems, thereby unnecessarily creating a second order of problems - emotional suffering.

Techniques to develop the steady self-control that people respond to and respect:

	Take responsibility for your distress. The first lesson in healthy emoting and relating was stated by the Roman philosopher Epictetus more than 2000 years ago: only you can upset yourself about events - the events themselves, no matter how undesirable, can never upset you.
	Acknowledge that neither another person, nor an adverse circumstance, can ever disturb you - only you can. Others can cause you physical pain or prevent you from achieving your goals, but you create your own emotional suffering, or self-defeating behavioural patterns, about what others do or say.
	Identify your "musts." Once you admit that you distort your own emotions and actions, determine precisely how. The culprit usually lies in one of the three core "musts":

	Must number 1 (a demand on yourself) "I must do well and get approval, or else I'm worthless." This demand causes anxiety, depression, and lack of assertiveness.
	Must number 2 (a demand on others) "You must treat me reasonably, considerately, and lovingly, or else you're no good." This "must" leads to resentment, hostility, and violence.
	Must number 3 (a demand on situations) "Life must be fair, easy, and hassle-free, or else it's awful." This thinking is associated with hopelessness, procrastination, and addictions.

	Acknowledge the demands you have of yourself, of your partner, or of your circumstances. Until you have discovered the "must" you won’t be able to reduce your distress.
	Dispute and question your "musts." The only way you can ever remain disturbed about adversity is by vigorously and persistently agreeing with one of these three "musts." Once you've acknowledged them, confront and question your demands.
	Begin by looking for evidence for your “must”? How is it true? You will find that your `must' is entirely false – without any evidence at all. Once you gain this insight your view becomes "must"-free, and your emotions can heal.
	Reinforce your preferences:

	Preference number 1 I strongly prefer to do well and get approval, but even if I fail, I will accept myself fully.
	Preference number 2 I strongly prefer that you treat me reasonably, kindly and lovingly, but since I don't run the universe, and it's a part of your human nature to make mistakes, I now know that I cannot control you.
	Preference number 3 I strongly prefer for life to be fair, easy, and hassle-free and it's very frustrating that it isn't, but I can bear frustration and still enjoy my life.

By using the above techniques you greatly reduce your anxiety, hostility, depression, and addictions. Without your turmoil, you will experience love, involvement, and joy more easily. Without your addictions, you'll be freer to engage in the gratifying experiences of spontaneity, commitment, and self-actualisation.

As you can see, REBT will help you to take control of your own life, rather than going into therapy for years. Use these tools for identifying and overcoming the true source of your difficulties. It will help you to reinforce realistic, self-benefiting beliefs and it will enable you to eliminate emotional and behavioural problems - and to avoid future ones.

Dr. Michael R. Edelstein, Clinical Psychologist from San Francisco