We are all unique in the way we see and interact with the world around us.

The way we behave will be based on the following factors:

Our genetic make-up (personality);
Our life experiences - especially in our formative years;
The community culture we were brought up in;
Family experiences, culture and values;
Levels of education – even the source of our education influences our behaviour;
Religious and/or spiritual beliefs;
Life events.

There will always be people with different views, culture, beliefs and behaviour to our own because they are different to us and because we are all different due to the abovementioned experiences and influences.

Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung wrote "There is no change in the world that does not start with self." In other words in order to understand our relationships, we must start by increasing our awareness of:

Ourselves;
Our needs;
Our fears;
Our limitations;
The impact we have on others.

We need to learn to value the differences we see between ourselves and others and we need to devise usable interpersonal strategies to meet others’ needs and to connect and engage more effectively with them.

EMOTIONS

If you can learn to identify your own emotions you will be able to respond appropriately to it. Your own journey to self-awareness, healing and growth will be invaluable in your dealings with others.

Your awareness of your own emotions will allow you to start paying more attention to the emotions of others. Become aware of how your emotions feel in your body; become aware of how emotions contribute to your successes and achievements and your relationships with others.

‘Emotional competence’ means being able to experience and express your emotions in a way that others can recognise and understand (when it’s appropriate and important for them to know how you feel) – especially if you can express why you feel the way you do.

Learning to identify your emotions when you feel them won’t be easy in the beginning, especially since we reject certain emotions – like jealousy, hatred, bitterness etc. You should welcome all your emotions because it is an opportunity for you to heal and learn. Certain overwhelming emotions need more than just identification. It is an opportunity for you to also look at past events (memories) where you felt the emotion – so that you can forgive the people involved (yourself included). Unresolved issues and past events will remain within your psyche until you let go of it through insight (truly understanding the incident and the circumstances of the people involved) so that you can forgive them.

We over-react to new events and people in our lives because of similar events from our past that caused similar pain and similar emotions. So when a similar event happens we overreact because we did not heal those old wounds. We often refer to this as ‘someone pushing our buttons!'

BY ELSABÉ MANNING

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