Betrayal is the experience of infidelity; abuse; lies; lack of support; broken promises; secrets told; snooping or stealing. Betrayal produces guilt; shock; disappointment; disbelief; resentment; anger; fear; shame; helplessness etc. The pain caused by betrayal can last a very long time – not because you refuse to let go of the issue but because of the helplessness you experience along with the pain.

How you choose to respond to betrayal will define your beliefs about your life and you will mirror it in all your relationships - including your beliefs about yourself; your future possibilities and the way you experience life.

Here are some tips in overcoming and forgiving a betrayal:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Don't ignore your feelings. Identify your emotions. Write them down.
If you feel that you cannot cope, forgive or let go, you need to seek therapy.
Take care of yourself
Eat healthily and drink lots of water;
Exercise. It reduces stress and releases ‘feel good’ hormones into your bloodstream;

Get eight hours sleep. You will deal better with your issues when you are completely rested;

Be light-hearted. Watch a comedy movie and spend time with positive up-beat people.
Communicate openly, with integrity
Communicating with integrity means that you speak your truth – respectfully.

Tell your partner how you feel and the consequences of the betrayal. If you can’t tell your partner how you feel, say it in writing, but do speak your truth – all of it.

Trust Again

Trust your own intuition!

Do not expect to be betrayed by others. It may turn you into an angry, bitter, suspicious person. Holding on to pain can change your body on a cellular level and make you very sick.

Make A Decision And Remain True To It

Decide on whether you want to work on the relationship or not.

	If you decide to stay in the relationship and to work things out you need to decide to trust your partner again – fully.
	Tell your partner that you need them to show an understanding of your pain and that they will have to work at earning your trust again. Your relationship won’t survive if there is no trust.

Let Go Of All The Anger

Holding on to anger, bitterness, resentment and pain from experiences such as betrayal can cripple you emotionally and eventually physically because you can become seriously ill from it. Not being willing to let go and to truly forgive your partner will hurt you more than it will hurt your partner - for sure.

Start Over If You Must

If you are unable to continue with the relationship you need to do a ‘postmortem’ to assess your role in the breakdown of the relationship. Unless you are willing to admit that you contributed to the breakdown you may repeat old patterns again and your next relationship may suffer the same consequences.

Mourn The Relationship

It is imperative to mourn the loss of trust and the loss of your relationship. Allow yourself to experience the pain of betrayal. It is normal and necessary to mourn your emotional loss. Mourning is part of the healing process.

By Elsabé Manning

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