HOW TO DEAL WITH IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE

I was emotionally affected by an impossible person this morning so I decided to write the following tips in how to deal with impossible people.

RESIST THE URGE TO BE DEFENSIVE.

You cannot win an argument with an aggressive or impossible person – they’re called “impossible” for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrong-doing and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence because you are already guilty, no matter what.

DON’T TELL THE IMPOSSIBLE PERSON THAT THEY ARE BEING IMPOSSIBLE.

Being blunt will only make your relationship even more impossible.  Accept that you can’t handle conflict with an impossible person like you would with a reasonable, mature person.  Blaming is what impossible people do.  Impossible people believe that they can do no wrong.

DETACH YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION.

Become deliberately calm and remain that way.  Don’t react with extreme emotion such as crying or an outburst because it will only lead to the impossible person reacting with more aggression.

DISASSOCIATE YOURSELF MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

Remove yourself from the situation if you can or treat it with indifference.  Become super aware of your own behaviour, feelings and body language and begin to observe instead of participating in dysfunctional behaviour. Focus on something (anything) positive in the situation or conversation.

DIFFUSE THE SITUATION.

When you remain calm and speak with a normal or lowered voice you will calm the situation down.  Always be the calming influence.

DO NOT GET ANGER.

Your anger is actually a precious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again for years to come!

PREPARE FOR PROJECTION.

Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behaviour yourself. If the impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person’s flaws and failings will always be attributed to you.

Elsabé Manning

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